Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
