I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
