Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
