Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
