Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
