Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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