if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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