I think i peed on brittanys purse
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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