Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
