Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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