Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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