just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
