Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
