I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's great music for shaving your balls
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
