Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
