You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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