if you like me you must not know who I am
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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