why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
