a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
