I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
