I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
