You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
