I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
