He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
