no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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