dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
