Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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