I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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