His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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