Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish my penis had a tongue
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
