Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
