There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your face is a jimmy john
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
