You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
40s are totally the cure
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
