Soap is not a condiment
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
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I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.