What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
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he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?