Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha