Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
