When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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