tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will