Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
