What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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