I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Green mimosas i think yes
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
