tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
