hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
