I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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