dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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