The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
