dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
