I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Found the puke drawer
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
