i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
