I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
a search helicopter?!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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