Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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