My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
where are my eyebrows?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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