Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
