im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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