She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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