I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
