That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm bleeding and have questions
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
