all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
