I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
