Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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