I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
