my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's always time for handjobs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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