honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
