When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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