she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
