some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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