having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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