I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
