I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize