i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
