Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
