if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
